Patrick Cote is in Rosemont, Illinois, cutting the last bit of weight needed to make 185 pounds. Tomorrow will be the biggest fight of his career so far, and in all likelihood will be the biggest fight he will ever be in. He is facing Anderson Silva, who many people consider to be the best fighter in the world. Cote feels confident and relaxed, and claims to have a sound gameplan to defeat Silva.
But who fucking cares about Patrick Cote?
Ricardo Almeida sure does. Almeida was expected to walk through Cote when they fought in July, with his excellent ground skills leading to an easy submission. Instead Cote took him to a pretty uninteresting split decision. For winning this fight, Patrick Cote gets his chance to become a superstar (although the more likely outcome is that he becomes a tragic part of a highlight reel).
Ricardo Almeida is sitting on his couch, drunk as fuck and sobbing into a bucket of KFC. There's an outdated treadmill sitting in a corner of his living room, covered in old, greasy foil from disgusting hamburgers from the local Wendy's. He hates it. He feels it staring at him, mocking him, laughing at him in an awkward, stunted manner. Tomorrow Almeida will wake up at noon, borrow his friend's truck and take the treadmill into the New Jersey wilderness. He will drink himself into a stupor while he takes out his anger on the treadmill. He will swear at it, curse it, kick it and throw it. He will throw rocks at it, and try to push it down a hill (it is a small hill, and he's really drunk so it won't be as dramatic as he'd hoped). When the bottle of raspberry schnapps is finally finished he will return to the truck to grab a rifle and an opened envelope, which he will place in his pocket. He will take surprisingly steady aim, pull the trigger and put a solitary bullet into the control console. Almeida will drop the rifle, pull the envelope out of his pocket, open it and produce a card. As soon as his eyes touch the card he will drop it and begin sobbing uncontrollably.
The card lies face up in the autumn leaves, open for the world to see. Inside is blank save for the handwritten words:
"I think you need
this more than me
--Pat"
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Student Union
I'm sorry to people who don't go to Nipissing but I feel like I should add some school related content. So I'm going to write about the only thing gayer than half naked dudes tweeking their nipples at each other: student politics.
Our student union stinks out loud. This is objectively true. The point of a union is to look out for the best interest of its members. Our "union" is closer in function (and practice) to an incorporated group of investors, where the investors rarely get to see a return on their investment. There is nothing wrong with paving the way for future generations, or even paying off the debts of students who came before. The problem is that the union is completely misjudging the needs of its members.
We have a relatively small student population (combined with the attached college we are under ten grand), yet we have one of (if not the) biggest campus bar in Canada. In order to keep this bar running they do weddings and events that in no way benefit the student population. You could argue that the money generated from these events would be redistributed back towards useful students, but that would be naive and demolishing every definition of "useful".
There are no services provided on campus on Sundays. The student pub and pizza shop are closed by 6 on most nights (the Pita & Pizza place is often closed by 4:30).
I kinda lost track of what I was doing and instead was learning about famed negro gunslinger Doug Raymond, as mentioned on the Nipissing Wikipedia Article.
This was gonna be a long and rambling thing about how student politics are dumb as hell in the long view because university is about getting drunk and laid and reading books and meeting new people (and posting on the internet). Being interested in politics and your surroundings is very valuable, but spending your youth complaining and griping about your position (when you are probably priviledged as hell since you are attending a University) is probably a waste. Playing grownup is fun, but being a student is even better.
I completely lost focus on this one, but next time you are deep in thought about student politics just remember that we have a really big fucking bar, and watch out for Doug Raymond.
Our student union stinks out loud. This is objectively true. The point of a union is to look out for the best interest of its members. Our "union" is closer in function (and practice) to an incorporated group of investors, where the investors rarely get to see a return on their investment. There is nothing wrong with paving the way for future generations, or even paying off the debts of students who came before. The problem is that the union is completely misjudging the needs of its members.
We have a relatively small student population (combined with the attached college we are under ten grand), yet we have one of (if not the) biggest campus bar in Canada. In order to keep this bar running they do weddings and events that in no way benefit the student population. You could argue that the money generated from these events would be redistributed back towards useful students, but that would be naive and demolishing every definition of "useful".
There are no services provided on campus on Sundays. The student pub and pizza shop are closed by 6 on most nights (the Pita & Pizza place is often closed by 4:30).
I kinda lost track of what I was doing and instead was learning about famed negro gunslinger Doug Raymond, as mentioned on the Nipissing Wikipedia Article.
This was gonna be a long and rambling thing about how student politics are dumb as hell in the long view because university is about getting drunk and laid and reading books and meeting new people (and posting on the internet). Being interested in politics and your surroundings is very valuable, but spending your youth complaining and griping about your position (when you are probably priviledged as hell since you are attending a University) is probably a waste. Playing grownup is fun, but being a student is even better.
I completely lost focus on this one, but next time you are deep in thought about student politics just remember that we have a really big fucking bar, and watch out for Doug Raymond.
Unions
Fighting is a tough sport. People get hurt fighting and training, people get sick, and sometimes people get injuries that stick with them for the rest of their lives. Currently, if a fighter gets hurt training for a fight, or on a show with less than ideal insurance (the UFC has tremendous insurance for their shows), they have to pay for it out of their own pockets. This is not a problem for big names like Chuck Lidell as they make a pile of money, and can afford excellent medical attention. But even guys who are making what would otherwise be a comfortable living are in a real tough spot if they get hurt.
Not only do guys lose any money they would have made from fighting, they lose any sponsorship money they would earn per fight. They have to pay their medical bills, and that can add up pretty quickly, as not every country has socialized health care.
Now the obvious solution to this problem is to nationalize health care and insurance. Unfortunately, America is The Worst, so other measures have to be taken. In most instances, the next logical choice is to unionize.
Unfortunately, America tends to stink at unions. Add to this the fact that a significant portion of fighters don't live in America (I don't have any idea as to the quality of Brazilian social services for example), there are no "big names" willing to go to bat for a union (except Tito, but he's dumb as hell), and almost all of the smaller organizations would just not be able to afford to contribute significantly towards health and disability insurance. A really strong union with high demands would cripple all but the most financially stable organizations.
The next step from here would be for the fighters simply to take a portion of each fighters salary and buy group insurance policies. This is a great idea for the little guy, but is entirely dependent on the good will of the more popular fighters. Such a union would be able to negotiate higher salaries from organizations who can afford it, hopefully allowing the smaller companies to survive and increasing the quality of life of the little guy. Unfortunately, the only dude making reasonable money I see straight up going for that idea is Jeff Monson, who probably has better (or possibly much worse) ideas on this subject than I do.
Big organizations like the UFC could cover injuries incurred will training, but it doesn't seem like something they are interested in doing. If fighters' salaries increase on their own to the point that they don't have to fear for their livelihood in the case of injury then a union will become less imperitive, but right now there are some guys in very difficult positions trying to live their dream and make a decent living.
I didn't talk about a pension fund, which on one hand is really a basic thing that everyone should have access to, but on the other hand the idea of Marcus Davis eating dog food in his later years is pleasing to me.
Not only do guys lose any money they would have made from fighting, they lose any sponsorship money they would earn per fight. They have to pay their medical bills, and that can add up pretty quickly, as not every country has socialized health care.
Now the obvious solution to this problem is to nationalize health care and insurance. Unfortunately, America is The Worst, so other measures have to be taken. In most instances, the next logical choice is to unionize.
Unfortunately, America tends to stink at unions. Add to this the fact that a significant portion of fighters don't live in America (I don't have any idea as to the quality of Brazilian social services for example), there are no "big names" willing to go to bat for a union (except Tito, but he's dumb as hell), and almost all of the smaller organizations would just not be able to afford to contribute significantly towards health and disability insurance. A really strong union with high demands would cripple all but the most financially stable organizations.
The next step from here would be for the fighters simply to take a portion of each fighters salary and buy group insurance policies. This is a great idea for the little guy, but is entirely dependent on the good will of the more popular fighters. Such a union would be able to negotiate higher salaries from organizations who can afford it, hopefully allowing the smaller companies to survive and increasing the quality of life of the little guy. Unfortunately, the only dude making reasonable money I see straight up going for that idea is Jeff Monson, who probably has better (or possibly much worse) ideas on this subject than I do.
Big organizations like the UFC could cover injuries incurred will training, but it doesn't seem like something they are interested in doing. If fighters' salaries increase on their own to the point that they don't have to fear for their livelihood in the case of injury then a union will become less imperitive, but right now there are some guys in very difficult positions trying to live their dream and make a decent living.
I didn't talk about a pension fund, which on one hand is really a basic thing that everyone should have access to, but on the other hand the idea of Marcus Davis eating dog food in his later years is pleasing to me.
My Nipissing University Moment
Today I went to the cafeteria to get some toast.
They charged me extra for jam.
As far as my classes go, I'm getting better at dodging bulls and jumping out of a burning building onto a trampoline, but I still can't quite get the hang of getting fired out of a canon.
They charged me extra for jam.
As far as my classes go, I'm getting better at dodging bulls and jumping out of a burning building onto a trampoline, but I still can't quite get the hang of getting fired out of a canon.
Monday, October 20, 2008
EliteXC Folding?
According to Dirty Dave, EliteXC looks to be dead. Before their last show they were estimated to be 60 million dollars in debt. They were in talks to sell to CBS, but they've fallen apart. Its speculated that this is because of an investigation by the Florida Athletic Commission stemming from Seth Petruzelli's suggestion that he was paid to keep the fight against Kimbo standing.
The reason this is a bad thing is that EliteXC swallowed up some of the mid level organizations operating in the US, so this is going to leave a big whole in the MMA world. Up and coming dudes will have a harder time getting noticed, washouts will have a steeper hill to climb towards redemption, and just plain middling fighters will either get killed by legitimate competition or fight for 30 dollars a night. A lot of fighters are going to have a much more difficult time making a living, which is going to cause a kind of talent recession. American MMA will still be around, but it will not be nearly as healthy as it could have been.
As far as British MMA goes, it looks like we are going to lose Cage Rage. Cage Rage is objectively the best thing to happen to England in the last hundred years. It was so sleazy and unorganized and everyone involved looked like a penis. Hopefully something will come together to attempt to take its place, but it just won't be the same. Goodbye Cage Rage, you were too sleazy for this world.
This means a lot of dudes are going to be out of work very soon. The UFC will pick up a few of them (probably a mix of prospects and established guys), Strikeforce will hopefully land some lightweights for Josh Thomson, Sengoku might have a few fights for a couple of guys, Affliction will probably grab Kimbo, DREAM can't pay anybody but will still end up with some naive and hungry fighters, and everyone else is going to end up working smaller regional shows or as rodeo clowns (this is currently the most viable Cage Rage alternative).
This is all just rumour at this point, but Meltzer is usually a man in The Know. It will be interesting to see how everything shakes out, but its a very shitty situation for the majority of the fighters. Some guys like Jake Shields will probably end up in the UFC (this is good because it gives fighters a home and provides new matchups, and bad because those matchups will involve Jake Shields), and Strikeforce's NBC show will hopefully learn some valuable lessons (if it goes through).
I don't really know what to make of this right now, but its very believable that EliteXC has eaten shit.
The reason this is a bad thing is that EliteXC swallowed up some of the mid level organizations operating in the US, so this is going to leave a big whole in the MMA world. Up and coming dudes will have a harder time getting noticed, washouts will have a steeper hill to climb towards redemption, and just plain middling fighters will either get killed by legitimate competition or fight for 30 dollars a night. A lot of fighters are going to have a much more difficult time making a living, which is going to cause a kind of talent recession. American MMA will still be around, but it will not be nearly as healthy as it could have been.
As far as British MMA goes, it looks like we are going to lose Cage Rage. Cage Rage is objectively the best thing to happen to England in the last hundred years. It was so sleazy and unorganized and everyone involved looked like a penis. Hopefully something will come together to attempt to take its place, but it just won't be the same. Goodbye Cage Rage, you were too sleazy for this world.
This means a lot of dudes are going to be out of work very soon. The UFC will pick up a few of them (probably a mix of prospects and established guys), Strikeforce will hopefully land some lightweights for Josh Thomson, Sengoku might have a few fights for a couple of guys, Affliction will probably grab Kimbo, DREAM can't pay anybody but will still end up with some naive and hungry fighters, and everyone else is going to end up working smaller regional shows or as rodeo clowns (this is currently the most viable Cage Rage alternative).
This is all just rumour at this point, but Meltzer is usually a man in The Know. It will be interesting to see how everything shakes out, but its a very shitty situation for the majority of the fighters. Some guys like Jake Shields will probably end up in the UFC (this is good because it gives fighters a home and provides new matchups, and bad because those matchups will involve Jake Shields), and Strikeforce's NBC show will hopefully learn some valuable lessons (if it goes through).
I don't really know what to make of this right now, but its very believable that EliteXC has eaten shit.
UFC 89 in Review
It fucking sucked.
Carwin won by landing three punches from mount, the Lytle/Taylor fight was allowed to take place, I don't remember what happened in the Davis/Kelly and I was stone cold sober, Jardine's victory over Vera was a little unsatisfying (though it is always satisfying to see Vera lose) and neither Bisping nor Leben are good enough to make for a compelling main event.
Sudoku/Cane went pretty much as expected, although a lot of people were hoping that Sudoku had developed a gas tank or a gameplan (not very likely when you're training at Team Quest).
To top it all off Akihiro Gono may end up retiring because it looked like he injured his already messed up left hand against Dan Hardy. Dan Hardy might have retired Gono.
The best fight of the night was between Jim Miller and David Baron (which you can watch at ufc.com), and that wasn't very close at all.
England sucks.
Carwin won by landing three punches from mount, the Lytle/Taylor fight was allowed to take place, I don't remember what happened in the Davis/Kelly and I was stone cold sober, Jardine's victory over Vera was a little unsatisfying (though it is always satisfying to see Vera lose) and neither Bisping nor Leben are good enough to make for a compelling main event.
Sudoku/Cane went pretty much as expected, although a lot of people were hoping that Sudoku had developed a gas tank or a gameplan (not very likely when you're training at Team Quest).
To top it all off Akihiro Gono may end up retiring because it looked like he injured his already messed up left hand against Dan Hardy. Dan Hardy might have retired Gono.
The best fight of the night was between Jim Miller and David Baron (which you can watch at ufc.com), and that wasn't very close at all.
England sucks.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
FIGHTSSSSSSSSSSSSS
UFC cards from England are interesting in that the audience provides a much different atmosphere than the usual American venue. Whereas the typical American audience is growing and evolving along with the sport, the English are just as drunk and bloodthirsty as ever. And that is something I feel I can really relate to.
A lot of the fights should be fun, but England fights mean English fighters, which in turn means really bad grappling. Let's have a look shall we.
David Baron vs Jim Miller
Both guys are good grapplers, with Baron arguably being France's top fighter. Baron defeated Mach Sakurai in May (which made me cry like a baby), and Miller's a young dude with a lot of upside. I hope this gets shown, but it probably won't because its likely to go to a decision.
Shane Carwin vs Neil Wain
Shane Carwin looks like a massive version of Mark Coleman and Neil Wain is your fat friend who wears a shirt when he goes swimming. Carwin is a fucking wrecking machine who is exactly what people wished Brock Lesnar would be. Expect Wain to look stupid.
Dan Hardy vs Akihiro Gono
Gono has really good striking, and is generally fun as hell. Dan Hardy trains with Our Hero and #1 Foot Holder Eddie Bravo, so expect Joe Rogan to stammer on about how bad Gono's striking is and how we just don't understand how good Hardy is until Gono puts Hardy away. Gono is paying for his own ring entrance, so chances are it will never make it to air.
Paul Kelly vs Marcus Davis
All I know about Paul Kelly is that his fight with Paul Taylor stunk out loud. I don't remember who won and I really don't care. Marcus Davis pretends like he's irish, so pretty much every day is St. Patrick's day for him. Davis has good hands and is rounding out his game, but he'll probably never progress past being "kinda popular in England" and nothing more.
Paul Taylor vs Chris Lytle
not even gonna watch this fight
Sokoudjou vs Luiz Cane
I don't know much about Cane, but I hear good things. Sokoudjou has heavy hands, good judo and questionable cardio. He was clowned by Machida, but he's knocked out some good fighters (watching Nakamura falling off his stool was hilarious and crushing all at once). Hopefully this fight will clear up a lot about both fighters (answering important questions such as "Have I seen Cane fight before?")
Keith Jardine vs Brandon Vera
According to both Rogan and Goldberg Vera has the tools to beat anybody, but very few people have ever lived up to the RoganBerg Hype Machine. Jardine will probably want to try to pick him apart standing, but if you asked Greg Jackson he'd tell you that Jardine is going to try to wrestle him. Jardine looks downright stupid when he's in his groove, but it works for him. Vera is very hard to like, and his strategy is to get beat up and hope Jardine gasses. One of these things is very likely to happen.
Michael Bisping vs Chris Leben
Bisping's improving, Leben's improving, but chances are neither of them will actually reach a point where they are serious contenders. This could be a fun fight, but its really hard to get hyped up for it in a main event way. Some people have really strong feelings about Bisping and Leben due to stuff that happened on the Ultimate Fighter. These people form opinions based on reality television and conversation with them should avoided at all costs.
It should be a decent card and the price is right. At least you don't have to justify paying to see Bisping/Leben.
A lot of the fights should be fun, but England fights mean English fighters, which in turn means really bad grappling. Let's have a look shall we.
David Baron vs Jim Miller
Both guys are good grapplers, with Baron arguably being France's top fighter. Baron defeated Mach Sakurai in May (which made me cry like a baby), and Miller's a young dude with a lot of upside. I hope this gets shown, but it probably won't because its likely to go to a decision.
Shane Carwin vs Neil Wain
Shane Carwin looks like a massive version of Mark Coleman and Neil Wain is your fat friend who wears a shirt when he goes swimming. Carwin is a fucking wrecking machine who is exactly what people wished Brock Lesnar would be. Expect Wain to look stupid.
Dan Hardy vs Akihiro Gono
Gono has really good striking, and is generally fun as hell. Dan Hardy trains with Our Hero and #1 Foot Holder Eddie Bravo, so expect Joe Rogan to stammer on about how bad Gono's striking is and how we just don't understand how good Hardy is until Gono puts Hardy away. Gono is paying for his own ring entrance, so chances are it will never make it to air.
Paul Kelly vs Marcus Davis
All I know about Paul Kelly is that his fight with Paul Taylor stunk out loud. I don't remember who won and I really don't care. Marcus Davis pretends like he's irish, so pretty much every day is St. Patrick's day for him. Davis has good hands and is rounding out his game, but he'll probably never progress past being "kinda popular in England" and nothing more.
Paul Taylor vs Chris Lytle
not even gonna watch this fight
Sokoudjou vs Luiz Cane
I don't know much about Cane, but I hear good things. Sokoudjou has heavy hands, good judo and questionable cardio. He was clowned by Machida, but he's knocked out some good fighters (watching Nakamura falling off his stool was hilarious and crushing all at once). Hopefully this fight will clear up a lot about both fighters (answering important questions such as "Have I seen Cane fight before?")
Keith Jardine vs Brandon Vera
According to both Rogan and Goldberg Vera has the tools to beat anybody, but very few people have ever lived up to the RoganBerg Hype Machine. Jardine will probably want to try to pick him apart standing, but if you asked Greg Jackson he'd tell you that Jardine is going to try to wrestle him. Jardine looks downright stupid when he's in his groove, but it works for him. Vera is very hard to like, and his strategy is to get beat up and hope Jardine gasses. One of these things is very likely to happen.
Michael Bisping vs Chris Leben
Bisping's improving, Leben's improving, but chances are neither of them will actually reach a point where they are serious contenders. This could be a fun fight, but its really hard to get hyped up for it in a main event way. Some people have really strong feelings about Bisping and Leben due to stuff that happened on the Ultimate Fighter. These people form opinions based on reality television and conversation with them should avoided at all costs.
It should be a decent card and the price is right. At least you don't have to justify paying to see Bisping/Leben.
BREAKING NEWS
Hold Your Foot has recently learned that Matt Riddle has gone super saijan. When asked if this would impact the chances of him putting on an entertaining fight Riddle replied "The odds are over 9000 to 1". He then crushed a pair of white Oakleys.
More on this as it develops.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
how bout dem fights
Some actual fights and stuff happened last night here's some words
Ninja vs Benji Radach
Ninja was once considered one of the best LHWs in the world, and more recently is considered a massive failure. Benji Radach claims his fighting style to be Facesmash Fu. These guys punched each other in the head a lot, gassed quickly, grappled poorly and generally stumbled around like they were drunk as hell. Ninja fell over when he went for a flying knee, and was finished by punches on the ground. Watching Ninja get the shit kicked out of him is always extremely satisfying, and I haven't him look this bad since his career was effectively ended by Sergei Kharitonov in 2004.
Gina Carano vs Kelly Cobold
Cobold's stand up looked awful, as she kinda waddled around the ring getting hit in the head. She managed to take Carano down a few times, but the majority of the match consisted of the crowd rightly booing her as she failed to finish constant single leg attempts (singles are the Tito Jackson of the takedown family). Carano picked Cobold apart pretty handily, and finished the fight with some good kicks. The only thing of interest that came out of this fight was wondering about how strikes to the boobs are considered for girls. I honestly have no idea.
Andrei Arlovski vs Roy Nelson
Nelson did the smart thing by closing the distance and getting Arlovski on his back, where he's at his shittiest. Nelson styled on him for awhile, easily controlling the action and attempting to set up a sub. In a particularly bushleague move, the ref stood them up while Nelson was in side control. Nelson couldn't get the fight back down, and Arlovski knocked him out with punches while standing. Notably, Arlovski ate a jab and did not stop fighting. Who knows if this is indicative of him receiving courage from the Wizard or not.
Jake Shields vs Paul Daley
Paul Daley was a kickboxer who prepared for this fight by training with Melvin Manhoef. He rightly pointed out that Shields looks like an idiot any time he tries to strike, and his basic strategy was "knock him out before it goes to the ground". So of course the fight took place mostly on the ground, where Jake Shields immediately moved to mount and threw like five minutes of weak ass punches, only pausing once to sweep himself before finally armbarring Daley. Shields' failure to do anything on the ground against Daley really isn't encouraging, especially when you take into consideration that his striking has never improved. Ever
Kimbo Slice vs Seth Petruzelli
Kimbo walked through a middle kick and into a jab, and was promptly finished with ground and pound. Some people claim the stop was early and that Kimbo could have kept fighting. These people are pretty fucking stupid. The main indication that Kimbo was finished was that he not only attempted to take down the referee, but he failed in his attempt. In fact the only questionable thing Troy Waugh did while reffing this fight was holding the fence while fighting off Kimbo's double.
Overall it was a pretty fun card, but mostly for the ridiculousness and seeing Ninja eat shit. I was expecting more stupidity, but I'll takes what I can gets.
All Mediocre Things Must Come to an End
Last night's EliteXC card had the potential to reach the widest audience in the history of American MMA. EliteXC had the chance not only to expand their main brand, but to really move mixed martial arts into the mainstream consciousness.
Then Seth Petruzelli ruined it for everybody.
People who follow MMA already knew that Kimbo Slice was not a good fighter. There was no question about this. EliteXC knew they could market him, so they protected him by having him fight really shitty fighters (Tank, James Thompson). He nearly lost to Thompson, and that's really hard to do.
The thing was that Ken Shamrock was an even worse fighter than Kimbo. He loved to stand and box despite having no chin and pretty bad boxing. He has some kind of brain problem that forces him to fuck up in every situation. Unfotunately for EliteXC and Kimbo, Ken's brain problem prevented him from even competing. Most people don't do much the night before the fight. In fact, for a few days before the fight most dudes just refine their strategies and generally Take It Easy. Not Ken Shamrock though. The night before the fight, Ken was practicing positions and submission with his nutritionist. Not a trainer, not a coach, but the dude who tells him what to eat so that he has the prettiest possible muscles. Ken has been fighting for over fifteen years, and he needs to work on his ground game the night before a fight. I'm not sure what he hoped to achieve with these last minute shenanigans, but the end result was quickly made public. Ken's chef headbutted him above the eye, opening a cut that required stitches. The athletic commission found out, and told Shamrock he couldn't fight. Ken Shamrock could not fight because he needed last minute grappling instructions from his nutritionist.
At the last minute journeyman light heavyweight Seth Petruzelli stepped up to face Kimbo, and knocked him out with half a jab with only one foot on the ground.
Seth Petruzelli might have just won the most watched MMA fight in American history. When approached for a comment, Brett Rogers murdered a man.
EliteXC's only marketable fighters were Kimbo and Gina Carano. Carano is popular in the sideshow sort of way (she is basically the bearded lady), but very few people go to the carnival just to see the freaks. With Kimbo's mystique destroyed, and the company 60 million dollars in debt, they probably won't last another year.
This wouldn't be so bad if it was just going to sink EliteXC. By almost all metrics EliteXC is terrible. Unfortunately, EliteXC has bought out or formed business partnerships with a lot of smaller organizations, and when they fold they are going to fuck over a lot of fighters. Other small organizations will slowly crop up, but there will be a kind of fight recession for awhile. These fights on CBS have been the best chance to spread MMA to a wider audience. While I'm sure last night will generate some new fans, it also alienated a huge portion of the potential new audience, and unless somebody with some kind of intelligence takes control of the ogranization, last night was probably the peak of EliteXC's popularity.
Then Seth Petruzelli ruined it for everybody.
People who follow MMA already knew that Kimbo Slice was not a good fighter. There was no question about this. EliteXC knew they could market him, so they protected him by having him fight really shitty fighters (Tank, James Thompson). He nearly lost to Thompson, and that's really hard to do.
The thing was that Ken Shamrock was an even worse fighter than Kimbo. He loved to stand and box despite having no chin and pretty bad boxing. He has some kind of brain problem that forces him to fuck up in every situation. Unfotunately for EliteXC and Kimbo, Ken's brain problem prevented him from even competing. Most people don't do much the night before the fight. In fact, for a few days before the fight most dudes just refine their strategies and generally Take It Easy. Not Ken Shamrock though. The night before the fight, Ken was practicing positions and submission with his nutritionist. Not a trainer, not a coach, but the dude who tells him what to eat so that he has the prettiest possible muscles. Ken has been fighting for over fifteen years, and he needs to work on his ground game the night before a fight. I'm not sure what he hoped to achieve with these last minute shenanigans, but the end result was quickly made public. Ken's chef headbutted him above the eye, opening a cut that required stitches. The athletic commission found out, and told Shamrock he couldn't fight. Ken Shamrock could not fight because he needed last minute grappling instructions from his nutritionist.
At the last minute journeyman light heavyweight Seth Petruzelli stepped up to face Kimbo, and knocked him out with half a jab with only one foot on the ground.
Seth Petruzelli might have just won the most watched MMA fight in American history. When approached for a comment, Brett Rogers murdered a man.
EliteXC's only marketable fighters were Kimbo and Gina Carano. Carano is popular in the sideshow sort of way (she is basically the bearded lady), but very few people go to the carnival just to see the freaks. With Kimbo's mystique destroyed, and the company 60 million dollars in debt, they probably won't last another year.
This wouldn't be so bad if it was just going to sink EliteXC. By almost all metrics EliteXC is terrible. Unfortunately, EliteXC has bought out or formed business partnerships with a lot of smaller organizations, and when they fold they are going to fuck over a lot of fighters. Other small organizations will slowly crop up, but there will be a kind of fight recession for awhile. These fights on CBS have been the best chance to spread MMA to a wider audience. While I'm sure last night will generate some new fans, it also alienated a huge portion of the potential new audience, and unless somebody with some kind of intelligence takes control of the ogranization, last night was probably the peak of EliteXC's popularity.
Friday, October 3, 2008
EliteXC Weigh Ins
There are only two things of note about the weigh ins for tomorrow's EliteXC car:
Gina Carano took three attempts to make weight, after being very insistent all week that she be at 140 no matter what. She made 141 though, so at least its a step in the right direction.
Ken Shamrock came in at like 206. The last time he came in small for a fight at heavyweight he planned on using his speed to sprawl and attempt to outbox Fujita. He ended up tapping while stuffing a takedown. Expect amazing things tomorrow night.
Gina Carano took three attempts to make weight, after being very insistent all week that she be at 140 no matter what. She made 141 though, so at least its a step in the right direction.
Ken Shamrock came in at like 206. The last time he came in small for a fight at heavyweight he planned on using his speed to sprawl and attempt to outbox Fujita. He ended up tapping while stuffing a takedown. Expect amazing things tomorrow night.
what sort of god would allow this
A big punch is worth more than a takedown
Avoiding a takedown is worth more than avoiding a punch
and people wonder why I drink
Avoiding a takedown is worth more than avoiding a punch
and people wonder why I drink
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
EliteXC this Saturday
EliteXC is a bad company that has had some good luck. They run free shows on CBS every now and then, which is absolutely awesome regardless of show quality.
The production values for the shows usually aren't terrible, butthey are pretty heavy on the objectification of women and sleaze. The best way I could describe the presentation of the show is if Cage Rage had money, but not everybody involved looks like a penis, you would have EliteXC.
Speaking of Cage Rage, lets talk about these fights
Gina Carano vs Kelly Cobald
Gina Carano is probably best known for her work on the show "American Gladiators" as "Crush" and her part time career of being the Hamburglar. The 140 pound weight class was invented because Carano could not make 135, a highly competitive division for women. Upon the institution of this weight class, Gina responded to this favourable treatment by never making weight. Certain desperate nerds and chubby chasers will claim that her looks make up for the damage her lack of respect for the sport and opponents does to the sport, and if you meet one of these fat enablers kindly remind them that she walks around heavier than Sean Sherk. Kelly is a decent fighter who trains with Sherk, so she should be ready for dealing with someone of Gina's girth. She's fought some good competition (and most recently lost to some good competition), but Gina is heavily favoured. EliteXC really wants Gina to win, because she has huge crossover appeal in the "never touched a girl" and the "fat" demographics.
Andrei Arlovski vs Roy Nelson
Arlovski is a decent Sambo guy, who's been working on his striking. Unfortunately he has a horrible chin, and he knows it. He can go from aggressive to incredibly timid as soon as he eats a jab. Arlovksi tries to look like a wolf, but he acts like the Cowardly Lion. Roy"The Dirty Burger" Nelson (pictured) looks like he smells really bad. He's more mobile than you'd expect a man of his dimensions to be, but if a Roy Nelson fight is going to a decision its going to be about as fun as any fat guy decision ever is (Mark Hunt excluded). Arlovski's best bet to winning is to get to Nelson before he's able to get his pants off, as those tight things really restrict his mobility.
Jake Shields vs Paul Daley
Jake Shields is basically Nick Diaz with wrestling and without the "jogging on the spot while boxing" thing. Paul Daley is a british striker who just happens to be a champion in Cage Rage. If Daley cannot knock Shields out he will get submitted. Quickly. There aren't many guys for Shields to fight at 170 outside the UFC, unless somebody cuts from Middleweight or infamous alcoholic Drew Fickett pulls his shit together. We probably won't know how good Shields is relative to the top of the division for awhile.
Kimbo Slice vs Ken Shamrock
Kimbo Slice used to beat up homeless people in backyards for money. He became internet famous, started training MMA with some dudes and became the focal point of EliteXC. He beat Tank Abbot in a laffer, and narrowly defeated renowned failure James Thompson by a controversial ref stoppage. His hands are his biggest asset, and he seems to have a decent chin.
Ken Shamrock was hyped a lot during the birth of American MMA. He had pretty muscles, and liked to give interviews. From these interviews, it quickly became apparent that not everything was right about his brain. In his over 15 year MMA career he has not improved his skills even a little bit. He is older, slower, weaker and dumber than ever. Since the turn of the century he has won three fights. He beat a pro wrestler, a dude I have never heard of, and Kimo Leopoldo. If you don't already know about Kimo, he's not worth knowing about and none of his fights are worth watching. Ken is a leglock specialist who consistently gasses trying to finish leglocks. Ken has lost to Tito Ortiz three times. Ken got knocked out in Cage Rage. Ken once tapped out because he thought he was having a heart attack while stuffing a takedown. Ken is a shuddering failure on almost every level.
Ken Shamrock has no chin, no striking defence and is fighting a guy who is pretty much just a striker. EliteXC have intertwined their fortunes with Kimbo's, and they really want to build him into a star. Shamrock still has moderate appeal to the fans, and this fight will be watched by a lot of people due to being on CBS (Kimbo's last fight is the most watched American MMA fight). EliteXC wants to build up Kimbo's record and credibility without really threatening him with a loss (even though he almost managed to lose to Thompson).
You cannot simply give a man a win.
But you can give a man Ken Shamrock.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
watch this fight
This fight is not mixed martial arts. It was put on by DEEP, who generally does MMA, but its not MMA. Its K-1 rules kickboxing. So if you don't like kickboxing you shouldn't watch this clip. Sometimes I will post about kickboxing instead of MMA. I probably won't post about boxing....But I might post about boxing.
On the other hand, if you enjoy the most ridiculous fight of all time then this is for you.
FEATURING:
On the other hand, if you enjoy the most ridiculous fight of all time then this is for you.
FEATURING:
- strikes to the groin
- liver shots
- takedowns
- throws
- a goddamned Rock Bottom
- jumping kicks
- double jumping kicks
- wheel kicks
- 1 million spinning backfists
- conclusive proof that a three knockdown rule in kickboxing is a stupid idea
the commentary isn't in english so if that bothers you turn the sound off but I personally think its kinda fun.
History of Mixed Martial Arts
Fighting has been around since the dawn of mankind. When man first came to know woman, a shorter, more insecure man immediately started some shit. This proto dwarf was promptly bludgeoned to death by the full sized man's mighty hamhocks. For thousands of years tiny dudes with complexes got their shit ruined on the daily. This phenomena was worsened with the discovery of alcohol, as now even regular folk decided they needed to prove their worth by picking fights for no discernable reason. These unstructured and unruly brawls continued until approximately 410 B.C.. A young Plato was discussing the possibility of achieving truth of self by confronting conflict with his mentor, Socrates. Socrates suggested that they engage in fisticuffs to test this theory. Plato was hesistant as he knew that Socrates was old and possibly frail, but if he refused he would be cowering away not only from conflict, but from discovery. Feigning confidence Plato raised his fists and locked eyes with Socrates. Before he could think to throw a punch, Plato was off his feet and hurtling backwards towards the ground. When he awoke, the foundation for both MMA and Western Culture were laid out beside him*.
Then for like two thousand years absolutely nothing happened.
The UFC began in 93, and although they were certainly not the first, and arguably not the best, they were in English. The first event featured english speaking white dreamboat Ken Shamrock, and some other guys. UFC 1 served as not only a launching board for the sport in North America, but also began the trend of Ken Shamrock being a useless piece of garbage. The first UFCs were absolutely awful, but if are interesting to watch if you are a big nerd. They clearly outline the evolution of the sport, in rules, skill, production and even fans. Current MMA events are attended by A List celebrities such as Rob Schneider and Chriss Angel, whereas the closest thing the early UFC had to celebrities was the fellow in the insert.
At UFC 12 a young Joe Rogan began working as an interviewer for the UFC, and the world was forever changed.
Within a decade of hiring Rogan the UFC had moved from being politically and publicly ostricized to being legitimized via America's One True Art, reality television. Although Rogan is far too modest to accept all the credit, we all know who to thank for MMA's recent boom in popularity.
Also some stuff happened in Japan I don't know watch these videos
*double legs, cheating
Did You See That Fucking Arm-Bar? (feat. Gilbert Melendez)
The first few posts are going to be boring and dry to try to lay down some sort of foundation so if you already know then you already know.
There was a Strikeforce card this past Saturday, and it was even free on Sportsnet (I find it kinda hard to believe that a lot of people would pay to watch Strikeforce at this point). I wasn't able to catch all of it, but what I saw was enjoyable. Ken Shamrock and some dude did commentary, and in a shocking turn of events, Ken's ideas have no basis in reality.
Mitsuhiro Ishida vs Some Midget Bodybuilder
Ishida is a tiny lightweight who is a wrestling based decision machine. He was the first dude to beat the incredibly overrated Gilbert Melendez. Ken Shamrock talks about how slick Ishida's submissions are, despite him only ever submitting one guy (it was not very slick).
Turns out Ken Shamrock is the smartest man alive
Josh Thomson vs Ashe Bowman
Thomson is a very well rounded fighter who made notorious fat ass Gilbert Melendez look like a complete bum in his last fight. I have never heard of Ashe Bowman before, and I don't think anyone gave him much of a chance in this fight. Thomson beat him with ground and pound pretty quickly, and Herb Dean continues to be a shitty ref. Melendez was on commentary, and he made no mention about mercy killing himself or dieting.
Kazuo Misaki vs Joe Riggs
Misaki is a good kickboxer, and his counterstriking is some of the best in MMA. People will try to convince you that he is a good judoka and sub grappler, but they are smelly liars. He's often undersized at Middleweight, but he managed to eat up to 185 for this fight. He's interesting in that most people think he's junk despite the fact that he has some good wins, but there are a small dedicated group of die hard fans who think he just might be The Greatest of all Time. Joe Riggs is good at cutting lots of weight and having heavy hands (also heavy everything else). Surprisingly Riggs came in under weight. The first round consisted mostly of Misaki dancing, and Riggs being terrified. In the second Misaki got bored and started landing some strikes. Riggs landed a decent shot and knocked Misaki down, but Kazuo recovered quickly and returned to his feet (this is a common theme for him). Misaki then immediately put Riggs on the ground with a right, and finished him with punches. It looked like most of them landed on the forearms, but Joe was turtled and doing nothing but hoping that Misaki would stop hitting him.
The big breaking news from this event seems to be that Ishida may have lost his v-card. More on this as it develops.Sup Babies
Welcome to my Mixed Martial Arts blogs. It will have many interesting features such as jokes and punctuation.
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