EliteXC this Saturday

EliteXC is a bad company that has had some good luck. They run free shows on CBS every now and then, which is absolutely awesome regardless of show quality.

The production values for the shows usually aren't terrible, butthey are pretty heavy on the objectification of women and sleaze. The best way I could describe the presentation of the show is if Cage Rage had money, but not everybody involved looks like a penis, you would have EliteXC.

Speaking of Cage Rage, lets talk about these fights

Gina Carano vs Kelly Cobald

Gina Carano is probably best known for her work on the show "American Gladiators" as "Crush" and her part time career of being the Hamburglar. The 140 pound weight class was invented because Carano could not make 135, a highly competitive division for women. Upon the institution of this weight class, Gina responded to this favourable treatment by never making weight. Certain desperate nerds and chubby chasers will claim that her looks make up for the damage her lack of respect for the sport and opponents does to the sport, and if you meet one of these fat enablers kindly remind them that she walks around heavier than Sean Sherk. Kelly is a decent fighter who trains with Sherk, so she should be ready for dealing with someone of Gina's girth. She's fought some good competition (and most recently lost to some good competition), but Gina is heavily favoured. EliteXC really wants Gina to win, because she has huge crossover appeal in the "never touched a girl" and  the "fat" demographics.

Andrei Arlovski vs Roy Nelson

Arlovski is a decent Sambo guy, who's been working on his striking. Unfortunately he has a horrible chin, and he knows it. He can go from aggressive to incredibly timid as soon as he eats a jab. Arlovksi tries to look like a wolf, but he acts like the Cowardly Lion.  Roy"The Dirty Burger" Nelson (pictured) looks like he smells really bad. He's more mobile than you'd expect a man of his dimensions to be, but if a Roy Nelson fight is going to a decision its going to be about as fun as any fat guy decision ever is (Mark Hunt excluded). Arlovski's best bet to winning is to get to Nelson before he's able to get his pants off, as those tight things really restrict his mobility.

Jake Shields vs Paul Daley

Jake Shields is basically Nick Diaz with wrestling and without the "jogging on the spot while boxing" thing. Paul Daley is a british striker who just happens to be a champion in Cage Rage. If Daley cannot knock Shields out he will get submitted. Quickly. There aren't many guys for Shields to fight at 170 outside the UFC, unless somebody cuts from Middleweight or infamous alcoholic Drew Fickett pulls his shit together. We probably won't know how good Shields is relative to the top of the division for awhile.

Kimbo Slice vs Ken Shamrock

Kimbo Slice used to beat up homeless people in backyards for money. He became internet famous, started training MMA with some dudes and became the focal point of EliteXC. He beat Tank Abbot in a laffer, and narrowly defeated renowned failure James Thompson by a controversial ref stoppage. His hands are his biggest asset, and he seems to have a decent chin.

Ken Shamrock was hyped a lot during the birth of American MMA. He had pretty muscles, and liked to give interviews. From these interviews, it quickly became apparent that not everything was right about his brain. In his over 15 year MMA career he has not improved his skills even a little bit. He is older, slower, weaker and dumber than ever. Since the turn of the century he has won three fights. He beat a pro wrestler, a dude I have never heard of, and Kimo Leopoldo. If you don't already know about Kimo, he's not worth knowing about and none of his fights are worth watching. Ken is a leglock specialist who consistently gasses trying to finish leglocks. Ken has lost to Tito Ortiz three times. Ken got knocked out in Cage Rage. Ken once tapped out because he thought he was having a heart attack while stuffing a takedown. Ken is a shuddering failure on almost every level.

Ken Shamrock has no chin, no striking defence and is fighting a guy who is pretty much just a striker. EliteXC have intertwined their fortunes with Kimbo's, and they really want to build him into a star. Shamrock still has moderate appeal to the fans, and this fight will be watched by a lot of people due to being on CBS (Kimbo's last fight is the most watched American MMA fight). EliteXC wants to build up Kimbo's record and credibility without really threatening him with a loss (even though he almost managed to lose to Thompson).

You cannot simply give a man a win.

But you can give a man Ken Shamrock.